Letting Go

By Anita P. Seavey

     “So what are you going to do once you graduate high school?”

     Ashlynn was certain that she would go insane if she heard those words one more time. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate the care or interest others might have for her, but why did every one suddenly want to make certain you weren't going to ruin your life by not doing anything after high school?

     She rubbed her forehead with tired fingertips. The computer screen before her spun with the search for yet another college education option. For so long, she had thought she knew what she wanted out of life; she thought she knew where she was going. And now she didn't. The idea of suddenly losing your life's purpose sounded crazy, but Ashlynn couldn't help but wonder if she'd done it. She groaned and leaned back in her chair. Why did this have to be so hard?

     “Ashlynn!”

     The back door slammed shut as the face of her youngest sister complete with blond pig-tails and a denim jacket popped around the corner.

     “Uhuh,” Ashlynn muttered, twirling a stray pencil in her fingers while her mouse clicked furiously through the search results.

     “The leaves are falling,” the singsong song voice danced across the room until it was just over her shoulder.

     “And I care because?” She wished she could bite back the sarcastic answer as soon as it left her mouth, but her little sister Gwen didn't seem to notice. Ashlynn subconsciously stuck the pencil between her teeth to free her fingers for typing. Maybe the pencil would stop any extra sarcasm.

     “Because that means it's time to dance in the leaves, silly!” Gwen exclaimed.

     “Oh,” she muttered around the wood in her mouth. Her fingers paused, hovering above the computer keys. She had forgotten about that.

     For as long as she could remember, Ashlynn had loved to run outside in the fall weather when colored leaves shook free from their branches and fluttered to the ground on a chilly breeze. It had been one of her favorite activities to share with each of her younger siblings and she would always remember the feeling of excitement when a yellow leaf floated into her outstretched hands. So why had she forgotten?

     “Will you come with me?” Gwen begged.

     “Umm, I don't know,” Ashlynn answered slowly. Gwen's eyes grew big and she put both hands on one of Ashlynn's own.

     “Please,” she pleaded. Ashlynn dared a glance away from the computer screen to her sister's enormous blue eyes. A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth and she flicked the pencil across the desktop.

     “I guess,” she answered slowly and Gwen burst into a jubilant cheer. Ashlynn smiled and stood from the her chair, while Gwen grabbed her wrist and pulled her from the office and into the entryway. She jigged in place while Ashlynn pulled on her jacket, gloves, and a hat. As soon as she'd buttoned the last button on her jacket, Gwen dashed out the door with Ashlynn close on her heels.

     Once the sisters reached the front yard, Gwen began attempting to snatch falling leaves from the cool, autumn air. Ashlynn smiled and laugh when the younger girl toppled to the ground coated in orange and yellow leaves that crackled beneath her boots. A ray of joy filtered into Ashlynn's heart and she let her feet take her where they willed, twirling and dancing with her little sister among the drifting leaves.

     Thoughts of her future still drifted through her mind; how could she ever make so many decisions? Could she even do it on her own? Then, among the doubts and questions came something new. She raised her gaze to the sky where she watched a breeze gentle rustle the emptying branches above her, and she heard a whisper, not one any human ear could hear, but a whisper speaking gently to her heart.

     “I see every sparrow, every autumn leaf, that falls. Are you not more valuable to Me than these?”

     Ashlynn paused in her child-like romping and listened quietly as the words wrapped her in their warmth.

     “I love you, Ashlynn. Give your life to Me. I can do what you cannot, and no matter what happens, I will be with you.”

     Ashlynn watched her little sister giggling in the leaves and her heart became suddenly overwhelmed with the truth of God's love. All her planning, all her decisions of how her future should go; she didn't have to do any of it. God already knew where every detail of her life, past, present, and all that was to come.

     Tears burned in her eyes and Ashlynn didn't try to wipe them away. She was ready to give up planning her future; she was ready to give up trying to take control of her life. After all, it wasn't her life to begin with.

     Joy radiated in her heart and a peace that passes all understanding gleamed in her eyes. Ashlynn broke into a laugh and spun in the falling leaves while a breeze brushed her hair, carrying with it the words of a God who would never leave nor forsake her as long as she trusted in Him.

     “I care for you; I love you; you are Mine.”